Stop talking about what you are GOING to do, like break-up with your sex buddy or start your own business – and take action today! STOP FUTURIZING
Listen up ladies, and BEWARE this Halloween season! Don’t be fooled by wannabe Gigolos serenading you with my 10 MOST FRIGHTFUL PICK-UP LINES. Because we all know that ghastly pick-up lines can scare the skeleton out of you and are mischievously laced with good ol’ fashion bullshit that’s meant to keep you talking – so those blood-sucking bad-boys can penetrate your sweet coffin and suck you dry!
1. You live around here?
Probably the most classic of frightful pick-up lines from the most amateur of bad-boys with no shot at scoring. He’s just trying to bait you ladies into a conversation by asking you an innocent question. No chance suckas!
2. Where are you from?
Notice how these four simple words could spark a conversation? Don’t fall for it ladies! Or better yet, answer it with: Barsoom (the planet Mars from Edgar Rice Burroughs and the sci-fi classic, John Carter). Or just a sweet smile that says “cute, but not enough”.
3. What’s your name?
Ouch, this one hurts just reading it! If she wanted you to know her name, chucklehead, then she would have introduced herself in the first place! NEXT.
4. Haven’t I seen you in the movies?
What do think she’s an idiot! And what’s that mean, “in the movies”? Like Titanic or Twilight or We Bought a Zoo? So what are you thinking, pal? That this weak attempt at a complimentary statement disguised as a question will touch upon her deep dark desire to be a starlet? Think again my un-original friend, your feeble attempt at flattery will get you nowhere!
5. You’re really hot!
Really? You think this frightful pick-up line will work? Are you kidding me! How many times have you heard this one ladies? From every chucklehead on the street just throwing bullshit against the wall and hoping it’ll stick. Forgettaboutit!
6. Don’t I know you?
Of course she doesn’t know you, you idiot! Don’t you know that women are smarter than men and usually pay more attention when first meeting someone, especially a wannabe Gigolo like yourself trying to pilfer her trick-or-treat bag. If she already met you, then chances are you’ve already crashed and burned while trying to hit on her with another one of my 10 Most Frightful Pick-Up Lines from this list!
7. Have we met before?
Come on guys, another feeble attempt at striking up a conversation by asking an innocent question that requires her to really look at you before answering. Can be a tricky one that sneaks up on you ladies, but don’t be fooled! If you met him before then you already know that he’s probably haunted by ’50 Shades of Playerdom’. NEXT.
8. Is that you VANESSA? (or any other name)
This is definitely one of those classic Trick-or-Treat lines: if he’s wrong, then who does he think you are, some two-bit hussy who doesn’t leave an impression? And if you met him before and told him your name, then he should at least remember the place where you met and not guess wrong. Especially if you made a connection. And if he guesses correctly, then go for it! He’s either telling the truth and you’re in for a real Treat, or get ready for a wild hayride because he’s a real psychic and a goblin with a bag full of Tricks!
9. You have BEAUTIFUL eyes! (or any synonym)
Once again, let me ask my favorite question, “So what does that mean?” Because any subjective comment complimenting a woman’s asset, whether it be her eyes or her earlobes is just that: subjective. And usually full of Gigolo bullshit that’s meant to move the conversation forward. Don’t be fooled ladies! If you have beautiful eyes, a wonderful smile, great legs or whatever, you already know it and have been told a million times. BEWARE of all these Mr. Right-Nows with Frightful Pick-Up Lines that make you feel like they CARE!
10.Do you believe in love at first sight?
Give me a break! What decade do think this is, the Psychedelic 60’s where Peace & Love was all the rage? Come on guys, you can do better than this. It’s embarrassing! Because if you were truly blessed with love at first sight, you wouldn’t have to inquire about it. It’ll just happen, because it’s meant to be and the Universe wants it to be. I know, a lot of Zen master mumbo-jumbo that’s not fit for a player like you. Well think again, you ethereal chucklehead, and put your frightful pick-up lines to bed! Amen
And for all the ladies who didn’t know me back in my bad-boy party days – and that’s a good thing – here’s some Jersey Shore mischief from my sexy memoir, Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood . Enjoy – R
Have you ever noticed how a romantic relationship starts to sour when one lover desires something completely different from the other? Say you’re ready to start a family and your boyfriend runs for hills at the mere mention of the word ‘marriage’. What should a woman do?
That’s easy…KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
And we’re not talking about doing so because of some kind of physical, mental or emotional abuse here folks (see my previous blog). No, we’re talking about complete disrespect and selfishness on the part of the man for not letting his woman go if she truly desires a family and he never does.
Case in point: this past weekend, I had dinner in Hollywood with friends and sat across from this 36 year-old guy who said he’d been dating his girlfriend for the past 6 years. He said, “For some reason the past few months have turned sour and we’ve been fighting all the time”. His girlfriend wasn’t there, of course, and when I asked him if he was going to marry her, he said, “No way man, I’m not into all that marriage and kids stuff.” Hmm. So my response was just as direct, “Does she want a family and kids, and does she know that you don’t?” He gave me that deer in the headlights look and said, “I have no idea.”
Now, if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, how in the world DOESN’T this chucklehead – who’s been dating the same gal for the past 6 years and living with her the past 2 – KNOW whether or not she wants a family and kids!
Disrespect – that’s why – and complete disregard for his girlfriend’s feelings and desires since he has no interest whatsoever in broaching the subject for fear of her answer…which is definitely YES. Because what 30 year-old gal who’s been dating the same guy for the past 6 years doesn’t want a family and kids? I guess it’s possible – especially if you’re a porn star – but I’d bet a million dollars it definitely wasn’t the case with this jackass. And when I dug a little deeper, I was right: his friends said “they make the best couple and we’re pulling for them to get engaged for Christmas.”
So what should our frustrated yet eternally hopeful bride-to-be do?
KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
Honey you’re wasting your precious time with another ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ who has no intention of marrying you – ever! Because that’s what most guys do – they keep you around as long as it satisfies their needs and insecurities and keep you addicted to the that sweet narcotic called HOPE. How do I know this? I was one of these guys, which you can read all about in my sexy new memoir,
Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood.
So, for any woman looking for the courage to kick their Mr. Right – who’s actually Mr. Wrong – to the curb, the first thing I recommend is to embrace a daily fitness program based on Yoga and soon you’ll be respecting yourself enough to lose that dead weight that’s dragging you down! Ladies, it’s all about self-confidence and self-respect – which is definitely achieved if you feel better about yourself and are doing something that will positively impact your mind and body…for the rest of your life!
Remember, ANYONE can do it…including YOU! Enjoy – R