Hope you enjoy my new web series that’s all about Health & Fitness, Dating & Relationships, and everything else From Wall Street to Main Street. Stay Zen – R
Have you ever noticed how a romantic relationship starts to sour when one lover desires something completely different from the other? Say you’re ready to start a family and your boyfriend runs for hills at the mere mention of the word ‘marriage’. What should a woman do?
That’s easy…KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
And we’re not talking about doing so because of some kind of physical, mental or emotional abuse here folks (see my previous blog). No, we’re talking about complete disrespect and selfishness on the part of the man for not letting his woman go if she truly desires a family and he never does.
Case in point: this past weekend, I had dinner in Hollywood with friends and sat across from this 36 year-old guy who said he’d been dating his girlfriend for the past 6 years. He said, “For some reason the past few months have turned sour and we’ve been fighting all the time”. His girlfriend wasn’t there, of course, and when I asked him if he was going to marry her, he said, “No way man, I’m not into all that marriage and kids stuff.” Hmm. So my response was just as direct, “Does she want a family and kids, and does she know that you don’t?” He gave me that deer in the headlights look and said, “I have no idea.”
Now, if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, how in the world DOESN’T this chucklehead – who’s been dating the same gal for the past 6 years and living with her the past 2 – KNOW whether or not she wants a family and kids!
Disrespect – that’s why – and complete disregard for his girlfriend’s feelings and desires since he has no interest whatsoever in broaching the subject for fear of her answer…which is definitely YES. Because what 30 year-old gal who’s been dating the same guy for the past 6 years doesn’t want a family and kids? I guess it’s possible – especially if you’re a porn star – but I’d bet a million dollars it definitely wasn’t the case with this jackass. And when I dug a little deeper, I was right: his friends said “they make the best couple and we’re pulling for them to get engaged for Christmas.”
So what should our frustrated yet eternally hopeful bride-to-be do?
KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
Honey you’re wasting your precious time with another ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ who has no intention of marrying you – ever! Because that’s what most guys do – they keep you around as long as it satisfies their needs and insecurities and keep you addicted to the that sweet narcotic called HOPE. How do I know this? I was one of these guys, which you can read all about in my sexy new memoir,
Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood.
So, for any woman looking for the courage to kick their Mr. Right – who’s actually Mr. Wrong – to the curb, the first thing I recommend is to embrace a daily fitness program based on Yoga and soon you’ll be respecting yourself enough to lose that dead weight that’s dragging you down! Ladies, it’s all about self-confidence and self-respect – which is definitely achieved if you feel better about yourself and are doing something that will positively impact your mind and body…for the rest of your life!
Remember, ANYONE can do it…including YOU! Enjoy – R
These five simple yet powerful words are meant to help ANY woman who’s being abused by a significant other and doesn’t believe she has the wherewith-all or courage to do something about it.
Case in point: A few months ago I had just returned to Hollywood when I met this really sweet thirty-something year-old gal who had been living with her lazy, no-good boyfriend for the past 5 years. And I say lazy, no-good because not only does this scumbag mentally and emotionally abuse my friend, but this disrespectful low-life doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t hold a steady job, doesn’t look for work, doesn’t cook or clean or help with chores around the apartment, doesn’t help pay for groceries, and doesn’t own a car but always uses hers. Now I would call that a blood-sucking disrespectful low-life, wouldn’t you? The good news is she doesn’t own anything with him nor do they have children together.
Yesterday I had coffee with her and specifically asked why she still supports this abusive scumbag considering she has ALL the power in the relationship, which by the way, has her looking like she’s suffering from Anorexia nervosa. She meekly said, “He’s not so bad, you know, and even if I wanted, I wouldn’t know how to get him out.” My advice was these five simple words – KICK HIM TO THE CURB. She just looked at me like I was crazy until I said, “It’s really simple if you have the courage to end it – and here are three ways you can do it: 1) tell your landlord you’re being abused by your live-in boyfriend and you need to move out, then pack up all your things when he’s not there and hire a few very large men to help you move everything into a storage unit and go live with your parents or your best friend; 2) on your way out the door tomorrow morning tell your boyfriend he’s got until 5pm to vacate the premises and never return again, at which point you’ll be returning with the police (or other suitable protection) and a restraining order against him; or 3) pack-up all his belongings when he’s not there and leave them on the porch with a note saying if he comes within 100 yards of you or your apartment ever again, you’ll have him arrested (and go directly to the authorities for that restraining order).
Anyone who’s familiar with my charity, The Boulevard Zen Foundation, knows that I’m passionate about changing the lives of women and children living in domestic violence shelters. And not just with a daily fitness program that’s based on Yoga, but with a self-respecting and open-hearted approach to life that starts with loving yourself and never letting anyone abuse you in any way, shape or form.
Know that ALL abusers are the weak ones, and know that ANYONE can find the courage to seek help from domestic violence organizations and shelters that are there for you.
Be strong and KICK HIM TO THE CURB – you can do it!
As for that scumbag boyfriend of yours – or anyone else abusing any man, woman or child – really look at yourself in the mirror and commit to changing your evil ways – you can do it! And you can start by reading my memoir, Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood, where a portion of all sales goes to support my charity and our Yoga teachers.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING Everyone! – R
PS – Don’t forget to get your workout in!
This was the last thing I said to the twenty-something year old subway rider I met on the Red Line in North Hollywood last night. I was returning home from a day at the beach with my friend Sara (a rather impromptu visit, thus my jeans and Calvin’s) when this really large dude started speaking to me.
As soon as this guy sat down he looked over at me and said, “So what’a ya bench 350 pounds or something?” I smiled and said no, and then I asked if he ever tried yoga. I already knew the answer, but it was a way of breaking the ice about his size. He was at least 50 pounds overweight, and after a few facts about yoga I asked if he was trying to lose weight. “Yeah”, at least 50 pounds”, he said, “and I think I know what to eat and all that, like fruits and vegetables and no cakes and fried foods.” Cool, I thought, he’s on the right track. Then I asked if he had 20 minutes every morning to go for a brisk walk. “Walk right out your front door and keep going for exactly 10 minutes, then stop, turn around and walk back”, I said, “and there’s your mile of cardio to start every day.”
“But that’s not the problem”, he said. “I think I can’t lose weight because I drink a lot of beer every day.” Then I asked, “Like what…two six-packs a day?” He answered, “Yeah, that sounds about right”.
Now if you’ve read my sexy new memoir, Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood, you know I also liked my beverages until I quit 5 years ago. Because 12 drinks a day is a lot of alcohol for any one of any size. And I told this guy so, then I gave him a suggestion. I recommended the following: Take ½ of everything you are going to eat or drink – every single time you eat or drink – for the next 30 days and give it to a homeless person. That’s right – wrap up half your food and half your booze, every day for the next 30 days, and give it to a homeless person. “You’ll be helping them and helping yourself”, I said, “and I bet soon into the 30 days you’ll be eating and drinking a lot less; and I guarantee you’ll lose weight.” Somewhere between 5-10 pounds I surmised, and for the New Year that’s only 3 months away, I told my large friend he should set his sights on 3 beers a day for all of 2013. He just looked at me in disbelief and said, “Wow, wouldn’t that be cool.” Yes it would, which I sincerely reinforced with my final four words of encouragement, “You Can Do It”.
Anyone can, if you STOP feeling sorry for yourself and BELIEVE you can! Get started today with a new attitude and a new look on whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish. Especially the impossible.
And my special thanks go out to NY and NJ’s “Entertainment Bible since 1988” Steppin’ Out Magazine for featuring my poem on page 32 of their September 26th edition. A little something I wrote to help the ladies differentiate the good guys from the players called, “10 Ways to Avoid a Gigolo”.
Enjoy – Rich
‘Life’s a boulevard and sometimes you get stuck’ is the overarching theme to my film, Boulevard Zen. Each of the characters uses yoga to overcome adversity in their lives. The kind of adversity that is like getting seriously stuck on a Boulevard, such as death of a spouse, a broken heart, depression, anorexia, hypertension, infertility, peer pressure and a party lifestyle. All this with a PG-rated script that’s appropriate for the entire family. The chorus from the theme song, “Life’s Boulevard”, is especially inspirational:
Driving down Life’s Boulevard is no paradise
Open up your heart let it lead you day and night
Just do not dwell on things that can’t be undone
Keep pushing forward til the battle is won
Written by me and award winning singer-songwriter Erick Macek, and performed by Erick & Bill Jones, get your free download & watch trailers @ RichTola.com. Enjoy – R
Everybody knows what comes next, right? I mean, how many times have you heard your best friend or someone you just met say, “Look, you don’t understand”, immediately followed by some reason or another why they’re in that predicament or why they can’t do something. More importantly, when was the last time you said this? Because whatever reason that follows, and I’m sure it’s a good one, is totally irrelevant. If you just change your mindset and start thinking of solutions and not reasons for the problems, you’ll be much better off. And soon you’ll be in a much better place. Case in point: Last night I met this thirty-something gal who said she lived with her boyfriend for the past 3 years and was not going to marry him because he was the wrong guy. I asked, why don’t you just be honest with yourself – and with him – and separate amicably so you can both move on? Because with relationships, I said, 3 years becomes 5, then 5 becomes 7, then 7 becomes 10. And who wants to spend TEN years with the wrong guy. Pretty stupid if you ask me. So what does she say, look, you don’t understand. We have a house and two cats together”. And I said, well, why not have him buy you out of the house, or you buy him out with an investment partner, let’s say, and you each get a cat. She just looked at me with a blank stare. Then I smiled and left thinking, it takes courage to make what anyone might consider as bold and risky moves, but they’re really not. Keep it simple and honest and stay in the present. And don’t forget to get your workout in. Because who doesn’t have 15 minutes a day to respect themselves? R