Next Comic Standing at the HaHa Cafe Comedy Club

NextComicHAHAHey everyone, keep the momentum going and never lose sight of your goals…it works.

Also catch me in the Next Comic Standing competition at the HaHa Cafe Comedy Club in North Hollywood on Monday, August 3rd @ 8:30p. It’s a comedy contest amongst up and coming comics where you get to vote for your Top 3 that will go through to the finals.

Looking forward to introducing one of my favorite trophies from Tola Talks to the show, the Get Your Shit Together Award.

Hope to see you there – R

GYST #23: Don’t Be Delusional

Keep your beliefs and your reality positive and realistic and don’t BS yourself when it comes to what does or doesn’t serve you well….and whatever you do, Don’t Be Delusional.

BEWARE: 10 Most Frightful Pick-up Lines

Listen up ladies, and BEWARE this Halloween season! Don’t be fooled by wannabe Gigolos serenading you with my 10 MOST FRIGHTFUL PICK-UP LINES. Because we all know that ghastly pick-up lines can scare the skeleton out of you and are mischievously laced with good ol’ fashion bullshit that’s meant to keep you talking – so those blood-sucking bad-boys can penetrate your sweet coffin and suck you dry!

author, Rich Tola
author, Rich Tola
1. You live around here?
Probably the most classic of frightful pick-up lines from the most amateur of bad-boys with no shot at scoring. He’s just trying to bait you ladies into a conversation by asking you an innocent question. No chance suckas!

2. Where are you from?
Notice how these four simple words could spark a conversation? Don’t fall for it ladies! Or better yet, answer it with: Barsoom (the planet Mars from Edgar Rice Burroughs and the sci-fi classic, John Carter). Or just a sweet smile that says “cute, but not enough”.

3. What’s your name?
Ouch, this one hurts just reading it! If she wanted you to know her name, chucklehead, then she would have introduced herself in the first place! NEXT.

4. Haven’t I seen you in the movies?
What do think she’s an idiot! And what’s that mean, “in the movies”? Like Titanic or Twilight or We Bought a Zoo? So what are you thinking, pal? That this weak attempt at a complimentary statement disguised as a question will touch upon her deep dark desire to be a starlet? Think again my un-original friend, your feeble attempt at flattery will get you nowhere!

5. You’re really hot!
Really? You think this frightful pick-up line will work? Are you kidding me! How many times have you heard this one ladies? From every chucklehead on the street just throwing bullshit against the wall and hoping it’ll stick. Forgettaboutit!

6. Don’t I know you?
Of course she doesn’t know you, you idiot! Don’t you know that women are smarter than men and usually pay more attention when first meeting someone, especially a wannabe Gigolo like yourself trying to pilfer her trick-or-treat bag. If she already met you, then chances are you’ve already crashed and burned while trying to hit on her with another one of my 10 Most Frightful Pick-Up Lines from this list!

7. Have we met before?
Come on guys, another feeble attempt at striking up a conversation by asking an innocent question that requires her to really look at you before answering. Can be a tricky one that sneaks up on you ladies, but don’t be fooled! If you met him before then you already know that he’s probably haunted by ’50 Shades of Playerdom’. NEXT.

8. Is that you VANESSA? (or any other name)
This is definitely one of those classic Trick-or-Treat lines: if he’s wrong, then who does he think you are, some two-bit hussy who doesn’t leave an impression? And if you met him before and told him your name, then he should at least remember the place where you met and not guess wrong. Especially if you made a connection. And if he guesses correctly, then go for it! He’s either telling the truth and you’re in for a real Treat, or get ready for a wild hayride because he’s a real psychic and a goblin with a bag full of Tricks!

9. You have BEAUTIFUL eyes! (or any synonym)
Once again, let me ask my favorite question, “So what does that mean?” Because any subjective comment complimenting a woman’s asset, whether it be her eyes or her earlobes is just that: subjective. And usually full of Gigolo bullshit that’s meant to move the conversation forward. Don’t be fooled ladies! If you have beautiful eyes, a wonderful smile, great legs or whatever, you already know it and have been told a million times. BEWARE of all these Mr. Right-Nows with Frightful Pick-Up Lines that make you feel like they CARE!

10.Do you believe in love at first sight?
Give me a break! What decade do think this is, the Psychedelic 60’s where Peace & Love was all the rage? Come on guys, you can do better than this. It’s embarrassing! Because if you were truly blessed with love at first sight, you wouldn’t have to inquire about it. It’ll just happen, because it’s meant to be and the Universe wants it to be. I know, a lot of Zen master mumbo-jumbo that’s not fit for a player like you. Well think again, you ethereal chucklehead, and put your frightful pick-up lines to bed! Amen

And for all the ladies who didn’t know me back in my bad-boy party days – and that’s a good thing – here’s some Jersey Shore mischief from my sexy memoir, Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood . Enjoy – R

Inner Beauty Rules

With all my rhetoric about exercising every day with a Daily Fitness Program that’s based on Yoga principles, and respecting yourself with a healthy lifestyle while thinking and feeling positive at all times, and even my most recent posts about looking 20 years younger and being named one of LA’s Sexiest, it’s easy to lose sight of the true meaning of my guileless discourse.

Which is simply this: INNER BEAUTY RULES

No matter how much you weigh, or how young you look, or how often you workout, what matters most is the inner beauty and positive energy that you radiate from the inside. Because in due time that outer beauty will fade and the body will deteriorate. There’s no stopping it. Yes, you can do your best to thwart Father Time by keeping your physical being in the best condition possible – which I believe is achieved by exercising every single day while adhering to a healthy and rather paltry diet – in the end we’re all ‘dust in the wind’.

Rich Tola - Author, Actor & Yoga Master
Rich Tola – Author, Actor & Yoga Master
Sad but true, I know. That’s why when I say Yoga changed my life, I’m referring to the evolution of my soul and illumination of my inner beauty…not the physical body. Everyone knows by now that I’m a fitness nut who’s been working out every single day for the past 35 years, so it’s not just Yoga classes that keep me slim and fit (I’ve only been a practicing for the past 8 years). It’s the overall approach to living and Union with the Divine (or Samadhi) including universal morality, open-heartedness, truthfulness, nonviolence to all things, non-greed, dedication and contentment, faith and focus, breathing and posture, control of the senses, and concentration on one’s purpose in life.

So it’s not just the physical practice of Yoga – the asanas – that keep you young and help you shine your light out into the universe. It’s the constant flourishing of your inner beauty that rules. Above all else, remember what matters most.

Enjoy – R

Daily Fitness & Yoga Pays Off

Everyone knows that by exercising every single day while embracing a Yogic lifestyle – for the rest of your life – you’ll certainly reap the benefits, right? Well if you didn’t, let me assure you that sticking to a Daily Fitness Program that’s based on Yoga principles will definitely pay-off.

Rich Tola - LA Magazine's One of LA's top 3 Most Sexy Men
Rich Tola – L.A. Magazine’s “One of LA’s Top 3 Sexiest”
Case in point: Yesterday Los Angeles Magazine named me One of LA’s Top 3 Most Sexy Men…at the ripe age of 50! Not too bad, considering the others were 20 years younger.

So what does it take to look and feel 20 years younger? Just follow my 5 Simple Rules for Looking 20 Years Younger and you’ll be set. Or at least you’ll be on the right path to achieving the physical and spiritual beauty and sexiness we all desire, with no regrets for putting on those useless pounds…especially as we approach the hectic Holiday season.

Now don’t get me wrong. Not everyone is blessed with good genes and a penchant for feeling hungry all the time, like I am. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Anyone can! It only takes the desire and discipline to respect yourself everyday and to put your body – and your soul – to the challenge. Start with believing you can, then get rocking with bite-sized workouts like my 5 Minute Fat Burning Workouts on YouTube (click HERE for my favorite Abdominals!). They’ll get on the right path to a stronger core and flatter Abs in no time, then take it from there. Just get started today. YOU CAN DO IT!

And then move to Los Angeles and maybe next year you too will be named L.A. Magazine’s Sexiest Man or Woman…hey, ya neva know!

Enjoy – R

5 Simple Rules for Looking 20 Years Younger

When most people reach the age of 50, they really look it.

Not me. Because I follow these 5 Simple Rules for Looking 20 Years Younger:

1) Exercise Every Single Day – embrace a Daily Fitness Program that’s based on Yoga and don’t bullshit yourself with talk like “I used to” do such-and-such because nothing matters but the PRESENT…and remember to maintain good posture and breathing in everything you do!
2) Ditch the Baggage – get rid of whatever emotional or mental baggage you’re carrying with you…because STRESS makes you look old!
3) Keep it Simple – don’t clutter your life with useless possessions you really don’t need…they just consume your space, time and money!
4) No Drama – never dwell on the past and always think positive and happy thoughts…and stay away from Drama-Queens that’ll just drag you down!
5) Stay Hungry – always challenge yourself, both mentally and spiritually in the pursuit of knowledge and experience, as well as physically by eating small and frequent quality meals and never OVER-EATING…keeping your mind, body and soul hungry for more!

Don’t believe you can look and feel 20 years younger? Nonsense. If I can do it, ANYBODY can!

Enjoy – R

Rich Tola (Age 50), Author - Simply Between Millions : From Wall Street to Hollywood (photograph by James Andrew)
Rich Tola (Age 50), Author – Simply Between Millions : From Wall Street to Hollywood (photograph by James Andrew)