Listen up ladies, and BEWARE this Halloween season! Don’t be fooled by wannabe Gigolos serenading you with my 10 MOST FRIGHTFUL PICK-UP LINES. Because we all know that ghastly pick-up lines can scare the skeleton out of you and are mischievously laced with good ol’ fashion bullshit that’s meant to keep you talking – so those blood-sucking bad-boys can penetrate your sweet coffin and suck you dry!
1. You live around here?
Probably the most classic of frightful pick-up lines from the most amateur of bad-boys with no shot at scoring. He’s just trying to bait you ladies into a conversation by asking you an innocent question. No chance suckas!
2. Where are you from?
Notice how these four simple words could spark a conversation? Don’t fall for it ladies! Or better yet, answer it with: Barsoom (the planet Mars from Edgar Rice Burroughs and the sci-fi classic, John Carter). Or just a sweet smile that says “cute, but not enough”.
3. What’s your name?
Ouch, this one hurts just reading it! If she wanted you to know her name, chucklehead, then she would have introduced herself in the first place! NEXT.
4. Haven’t I seen you in the movies?
What do think she’s an idiot! And what’s that mean, “in the movies”? Like Titanic or Twilight or We Bought a Zoo? So what are you thinking, pal? That this weak attempt at a complimentary statement disguised as a question will touch upon her deep dark desire to be a starlet? Think again my un-original friend, your feeble attempt at flattery will get you nowhere!
5. You’re really hot!
Really? You think this frightful pick-up line will work? Are you kidding me! How many times have you heard this one ladies? From every chucklehead on the street just throwing bullshit against the wall and hoping it’ll stick. Forgettaboutit!
6. Don’t I know you?
Of course she doesn’t know you, you idiot! Don’t you know that women are smarter than men and usually pay more attention when first meeting someone, especially a wannabe Gigolo like yourself trying to pilfer her trick-or-treat bag. If she already met you, then chances are you’ve already crashed and burned while trying to hit on her with another one of my 10 Most Frightful Pick-Up Lines from this list!
7. Have we met before?
Come on guys, another feeble attempt at striking up a conversation by asking an innocent question that requires her to really look at you before answering. Can be a tricky one that sneaks up on you ladies, but don’t be fooled! If you met him before then you already know that he’s probably haunted by ’50 Shades of Playerdom’. NEXT.
8. Is that you VANESSA? (or any other name)
This is definitely one of those classic Trick-or-Treat lines: if he’s wrong, then who does he think you are, some two-bit hussy who doesn’t leave an impression? And if you met him before and told him your name, then he should at least remember the place where you met and not guess wrong. Especially if you made a connection. And if he guesses correctly, then go for it! He’s either telling the truth and you’re in for a real Treat, or get ready for a wild hayride because he’s a real psychic and a goblin with a bag full of Tricks!
9. You have BEAUTIFUL eyes! (or any synonym)
Once again, let me ask my favorite question, “So what does that mean?” Because any subjective comment complimenting a woman’s asset, whether it be her eyes or her earlobes is just that: subjective. And usually full of Gigolo bullshit that’s meant to move the conversation forward. Don’t be fooled ladies! If you have beautiful eyes, a wonderful smile, great legs or whatever, you already know it and have been told a million times. BEWARE of all these Mr. Right-Nows with Frightful Pick-Up Lines that make you feel like they CARE!
10.Do you believe in love at first sight?
Give me a break! What decade do think this is, the Psychedelic 60’s where Peace & Love was all the rage? Come on guys, you can do better than this. It’s embarrassing! Because if you were truly blessed with love at first sight, you wouldn’t have to inquire about it. It’ll just happen, because it’s meant to be and the Universe wants it to be. I know, a lot of Zen master mumbo-jumbo that’s not fit for a player like you. Well think again, you ethereal chucklehead, and put your frightful pick-up lines to bed! Amen
And come join us August 1st from 7-8:30p for some energizing Book Talk & Yoga at the enchanted Mystic Journey Bookstore in Venice, CA, located at 1624 Abbot Kinney Blvd. I’ll be signing copies of my memoir, Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood, followed by a short Yoga class – no mats or Yoga clothes required – just bring your friends!
As part of my book event on August 1st, Mystic Journey Bookstore invited me to contribute to their blog and specifically called it “a personal message from you to our readers”.
Simply put, my message is this: Do it Your Way.
No matter what conventional wisdom holds, and no matter what others believe you can and can not do. It doesn’t matter – you’re the only one that matters when it comes to what you believe is possible. Not to mention what you put in your mouth and what you do to preserve your body every day, i.e., diet and exercise. Which happens to be the exact same message you’ll get from my memoir, Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood.
It’s 69 short and witty chapters about following the herd and living a wild and colorful life – with Wall Street excesses, exotic locales and scores of bad-boy romances with NYC strippers and wealthy married women. Then finding the peace and courage through Yoga to finally change my evil ways, evolve my soul, and follow my dreams to Hollywood.
Because anyone can change…if you believe you can and want it bad enough to confidently set your sights and try. Just like the women and children living in domestic violence shelters where we teach the benefits of Yoga. Upon completion of my film, Boulevard Zen, I founded The Boulevard Zen Foundation to bring the powers of Yoga to families overcoming adversity, specifically survivors of DV. So in 2005, after 20 years of wanting to change my lifestyle and really go for it on that daunting ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’, I became enamored with this 6,000 year-old mind-body-spirit practice that truly changed my life. Two years later I bought a one-way ticket to LA and never looked back.
I also went bust along the way. But did I fail? On the contrary, I succeeded in following my dreams and I’m still standing. Happily I might add, with a film, a self-published book in paperback, digital and audio (narrated by me), and more than 15 hours of instructional Yoga videos on the market. Not too bad for a poor Sicilian kid from Trenton, NJ who overcame the odds and went on to graduate from the Wharton and Kellogg business schools with no particular background in the Arts.
So anything is possible, wouldn’t you say? Just Do it Your Way.
So you’d like to take your family to see a really good movie with a bunch of really good actors about saving Mankind that’s New Age cataclysmic yet also heartfelt and Zen.
MAN OF STEEL…it’s all that and more!
Not only does director Zach Snyder (300 and Sucker Punch) capture you visually and vividly like he always does, the amazing cast keeps you riveted and wanting more. Starting with the chiseled and Zen-ful Henry Cavill complemented by the beauty and charm of Amy Adams, the talent just keeps coming. There’s Russell Crowe, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Michael Shannon (loved him in The Iceman), Laurence Fishburne, Ayelet Zurer and Christopher Meloni.
So give credit where credit is due, and go see Man of Steel. Because it Delivers – just like my Emmy award-winning sound engineer, Alex Wilkinson, did on my Audiobook. Kudos to Alex!
Did you ever notice how quiet your fitness center is on Sunday mornings? That’s because Sundays are a day of rest, right?
Not in Father Time’s eyes.
And not in mine. Because whatever goals you set for yourself – such as getting leaner for the beach this summer or finding a more rewarding job – Keep the Drive Alive. That’s right, stay motivated every single day to move the ball up the field with your thoughts and actions.
Like getting your workout in on Sundays, or researching the internet and then canvassing your neighborhood for new opportunities. They’re all cumulative. And get you closer to your goals.
So no worries or self-sabotage about what you didn’t do this past week…just do it today!
Enjoy – R
My audiobook, Simply Between Millions: From Wall Street to Hollywood, now on iTunes
Being thoughtful of others can be quite elusive, especially when you’re dealing with some form of adversity in your life. Nevertheless, it’s something that makes for a better human experience, so always be conscious of how your actions – and inactions – will affect others.
Case in point: Yesterday I had the afternoon free and I was really looking forward to seeing the film Mud, with Matthew McConaughey and Reese Witherspoon (I heard it was excellent!). And since my friend and I were running a bit late – which is usually the case in Los Angeles for a boatload of reasons – we knew we had minutes to spare once we got there. But as soon as we parked, my friend takes a call from her Mom.
Because she proceeded to have a heated discussion with her with no regard for me or the start of the movie. So what did I do? I waved for her to meet me inside, then I darted off to buy the tickets. And to wait…which I did for the next 15 minutes until I refunded our unused tickets and went back to the car – where my non-thoughtful friend was still arguing with her Mom.
So whatever your situation, remember that your actions will affect others…so Be Thoughtful.
Enjoy – R
PS – here’s a thoughtful clip from my AudioBook, Chapter 54 – Mother’s Day